(To quote), I write in order to get that feeling of function achieved and tension relieved that a cow receives upon giving milk.
I bumped into Miss-B today. Almost quite literally. I haven’t seen her in MONTHS! Anyway, I promised her I’d write about why I left school.
Long story made as short as possible: Cat’s mother stole my diary, read it, gave it to the vice-principal, spread lies and rumours that I’m on drugs and that I’m involved in occultism and the IDIOT of a vice-principal believed it all. After that he told most of my friends to stay away from me as I’m “bad news”. It’s been about three or four months since I’ve been to school and I don’t plan on ever going back. Next year I will finish school at home by doing homeschooling. Apparently there’s a certain procedure that I have to follow in order to actually LEAVE that school and go to another... See the worry in my eye. Ek het genoeg gehad van my skynheilige grade-voogde en Mnr. Kort-Van-Draad!
You can DRAG me by my toenails back into that school and I’ll just light a smoke, snip my tie in half and make my way towards the nearest exit. LMAO!!
I’m done with that school and I’m done writing about it too.
I’ll say one more thing about Miss-B though. It was AWESOME seeing her again. We were never close friends... Well... Not THAT close. But she has always been there for me. And she’s a close friend of Fishy’s and any friend of a friend of mine, is my friend too. Just like the enemies of my enemies are my friends... ;) Mwahaha!
I’m energetic today. Energetic, spontaneous and random. But, take my word for it, this good mood will last a few hours max, and then it’ll fall again. It always does.
I want to write about Scorpio’s as I myself am a Scorpio and we are in the month of Scorpio’s. I noticed a few major differences between Scorpio girls and Scorpio guys.
Scorpio girls are almost always energetic and cheerful. They always have something to say. They are also much more elaborate than Scorpio guys. Scorpio girls are very kind-hearted, as are Scorpio guys, but don’t tick them off. Once you’ve angered a Scorpio, even if you were the best of friends, that Scorpio becomes a person YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!
Scorpio guys are especially prone to extreme kind-heartedness and extreme violent rage. Scorpio guys are less talkative than Scorpio girls. They are also more sensitive, and yet, more INsensitive when angered by some betrayal or betrayer.
I think Scorpio’s are the best friends who can make on this planet. They are ferocious, fast-thinking, apathetic warriors that sting would sting themselves for the mere pleasure of stinging, yes, but once you have a Scorpio on you side, it’s best you do everything in your power to keep him there. A Scorpio will kill and die for friends and family. Touch a Scorpio’s loved-ones and you’re stepping on his tail. WE DON’T LIKE THAT! And we DO NOT tolerate it.
I remember how badly I wanted revenge when Cat was taken away from me without any reason. I would’ve turned to drugs and Satanism is it would’ve been detrimental to her mother. I would’ve taken her to court if I had the money. I opened a case of human-rights-abuse and theft at the police but the idiots there probably fell for her bribery.
Cat, being a Cancer, is so different from me. She would also kill and die for her family and her friends, but she works on a completely different level of strategizing than a Scorpio. She would rather circle her prey like a vulture and wait for its death than waste her energy on killing it herself. She, like most Cancer’s, is peaceful. Like an actual crab has a hard exterior, she wears her mask. She is very good at shaping that mask to make people think whatever she wants them to think. But like a real crab has a soft and squishy inside, she, too, has a very soft heart. She breaks and hurts very easily. Even if her persecutors offended her unknowingly and without meaning to do so.
One thing I hope to figure out about her soon, though, is whether she will remain hurt and angry forever, or if she will let love run its course, move on, forgive and let live. I’ve known other Cancer’s that have been betrayed in their pasts and they are still seeking vengeance to this day. But maybe they were just MADE hard by the life they had to lead.
I don’t know Cat as a warrior. I don’t know her as violent or vengeful. In fact, the very contrary is true about her. She is subtle, gentle, soft (in many ways), forgiving, loving and kind. She cares about everyone around her like a mother would care for her child.
I remember how she adored (and maybe even envied) my random acts of kindness, like simply telling someone that their hair looks nice or making the cashier smile. She once said that where-ever I go I make people happy. Or... At least I make them smile.
I will keep thinking of her and writing about her and I will not let her go. I’ve broken contact with her, yes, but I will find a way to re-establish it. I will find a way to make amends. Eventually, I WILL have her back in my life. Even if it is just as a friend. She was an ally from the day we met and she will remain so until the day I breathe my last breath.
“He that can have patience can have what he will.” - Benjamin Franklin
“The course of true love never did run smooth.” - William Shakespeare
I just noticed my scars again. It’s hard for me to describe them. They are not mine. They are tales of pain and misery and the violent extents to which I had been driven. They tell of many other happenings too. The ones on my left arm are... Gruesome. They actually scare me. But the ones on my right arm are beautiful in a way. In a way they remind me that there’s hope. There will always be hope. No matter what happens, no matter how bad things get, they will always get better. I don’t believe these scars will fade within the next two to three decades, and I don’t regret that. I don’t regret having them either. Yes, at times (most times), I do cover them up by wearing long-sleeved clothing, and yes, at times I am ashamed of them, but I am glad I have them. They remind me that the past is real and the future is brighter. When I look at them and think back I can remember how bad things were and how they gradually got better. Yes, other problems arose later on, but the problems that made these scars faded. A solution was found eventually. Eventually a solution is always found. One just has to keep looking and never give up. I say this and I struggle to practice what I preach, but some part of me knows it’s true.
Look for the good in life. Start a blog or find a blog that you like that you can return to every day. Find some source of entertainment. Movies. Music. Drawing or writing. Reading. Find the things you enjoy and keep them close.
No comments:
Post a Comment